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9.18.2014

Just some poems

Sooooo I was browsing around the wonderful lovely internet earlier today and then decided to take a break and actually doing something productive. So I decided to clean up my messy desktop filled with pictures that I randomly saved here and there. In the midst of doing that I found this lovely poem that I saved a while ago but completely forgot about it and I thought it would be nice to share so here it is

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between 
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not a grief of child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is 
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get to much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

After A While - Veronica A. Shoffstall

The next poem I was able to discovered all thanks to a friend (well. more like an acquaintance) who happened to create a video art based on this poem for her final project. The video turns out to be breathtakingly awesome and so does the poem itself.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to look at,
you can let them look at you. But do not mistake eyes for hands.
Or windows.
Or mirrors.
Let them see what a woman looks like.
They may not have ever seen one before.
If you grow up the type of woman men want to touch,
you can let them touch you.
Sometimes it is not you they are reaching for.
Sometimes it is a bottle. A door. A sandwich. A Pulitzer. Another woman.
But their hands found you first. Do not mistake yourself for a guardian.
Or a muse. Or a promise. Or a victim. Or a snack.
You are a woman. Skin and bones. Veins and nerves. Hair and sweat.
You are not made of metaphors. Not apologies. Not excuses.
If you grow up the type of woman men want to hold,
you can let them hold you.
All day they practice keeping their bodies upright--
even after all this evolving, it still feels unnatural, still strains the muscles,
holds firm the arms and spine. Only some men will want to learn
what it feels like to curl themselves into a question mark around you,
admit they do not have the answers
they thought they would have by now;
some men will want to hold you like The Answer.
You are not The Answer.
You are not the problem. You are not the poem
or the punchline or the riddle or the joke.
Woman. If you grow up the type men want to love,
You can let them love you.
Being loved is not the same thing as loving.
When you fall in love, it is discovering the ocean
after years of puddle jumping. It is realizing you have hands.
It is reaching for the tightrope when the crowds have all gone home.
Do not spend time wondering if you are the type of woman
men will hurt. If he leaves you with a car alarm heart, you learn to sing along.
It is hard to stop loving the ocean. Even after it has left you gasping, salty.
Forgive yourself for the decisions you have made, the ones you still call
mistakes when you tuck them in at night. And know this:
Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours.
Let the statues crumble.
You have always been the place.
You are a woman who can build it yourself.
You were born to build.
The Type - Sarah Kay

Both are coincidentally revolve around woman. Both are equally quite depressing, but there is a sense of strength and optimism on both poems that I find truly beautiful. Don't tell me you didn't get teary eyes after reading them. Nope? Just me? Okay moving on.

Another reason those two poems really struck me to the core, aside from the fact that they were beautifully written and filled with awesome metaphors, is that I absolutely can relate to those words. I know, crazy huh? Those are pretty deep stuff right there so I guess I AM quite deep? All jokes aside I really do feel that every woman can see themselves in those two poems and feel somewhat empowered after reading them. 

My favorite lines from After A Whilepoem is basically everything. Adore it way too much to the point I cannot pick my favorite line. That poem is just too beautiful as a whole. As for The Type I have picked a few favorites but after watching Sarah Kay herself reading the poem with such emotion in her voice, I'm not gonna lie it becomes quite a task to pick a favorite lines. Some words and sentences that wasn't really get me before suddenly come alive when she read it. But nonetheless here are my favorite lines from The Type:

You are a woman. Skin and bones. Veins and nerves. Hair and sweat.
You are not made of metaphors. Not apologies. Not excuses.

Only some men will want to learn
what it feels like to curl themselves into a question mark around you,
admit they do not have the answers
they thought they would have by now;
some men will want to hold you like The Answer.
You are not The Answer.
You are not the problem. You are not the poem
or the punchline or the riddle or the joke.
It is hard to stop loving the ocean. Even after it has left you gasping, salty.
Forgive yourself for the decisions you have made, the ones you still call
mistakes when you tuck them in at night. 
I love how the above sentences emphasize on a woman's worth. A lot of times I tend to labelled myself as unworthy so it is nice to be reminded that (as Sarah Kay puts it) I am not made of metaphors, not apologies, not excuses, and that I am more that just an answer. Neither am I the problem nor the joke. I also particularly love the last bit of the poem:
And know this:
Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours.
Let the statues crumble.
You have always been the place.
You are a woman who can build it yourself.
You were born to build.

I do search for a place to call mine and as scary and impossible as it may sounds, I do hope I can build it myself. You know I thought things would get easier post university. You just chase after your dreams right? And hopefully meet your soulmate along the way. Oh how totally wrong I was. Sometimes I wish life comes with a guidebook to tell you the all right things to do. To save you from all those judging eyes. Fail proof way to life your life. Decision making for dummies. Whatever you want to call it. Seeing most of my friends begin to make it on their own as they are getting a job and start paving the beginning of their career path, I sometimes can't help but comparing my own life to them which is not what I am supposed to do, but it just happened sometimes. And being an introverted anti social human being without a mother figure that she can pour her heart out to and take advice from make it THAT much more difficult. Okay this is getting a little bit too far. I probably need some sleep. It is getting late so good night!





4.05.2014

Well hello

Well well it's been quite a while since the last time I pay a visit to this place that I consider my humble abode on this massive world of internet. Please excuse me while clean up all the dust and spider web that have been accumulating in the corner.

Well then you must be wondering.. what brings me here? What on earth could possibly be so compelling that it actually moves me to make a post about it?

Well since you've asked, the answer is..... How I Met Your Mother Finale.

So I already watched it yesterday, it went down pretty much like this:
It was rather a peaceful afternoon, then I decided to take a break from doing my thesis and look for something to watch. Something preferably fun to cool my brain off. And then it crossed my mind... I HAVEN'T SEE HIMYM'S FINALE YET! So off to tubeplus I went with the expectation of having a laugh, possibly picking up a few life lessons here and there, you know, it's just another HIMYM episode after all.

But no.

IT. WASN'T. JUST. ANOTHER. EPISODE.

IT WAS THE LAST ONE.

IT WAS SOOOO GOOD.

SO GOOD TO THE POINT I WAS BAWLING MY EYES OUT BY THE TIME I FINISHED WATCHING IT.

So to whoever is reading this right now, if you haven't see it I will do you a favor by not spoiling anything so you better go watch it right now. It is seriously THAT good.

By the way I watched it again shortly after I finished it,
and I cried again.

Yes, THAT good.

Or maybe it's just me hahaha having watch the show since high school and witness how the plot unraveled beautifully as it captured the unpredictability of life, I should expect a few tears coming out as I watch the last episode, but I didn't. So there you go.

Watch it and see for yourself.