I remember it all too well

You know that moment when something, a place perhaps? or a song.. a sweet familiar scent.. the path you used to take.. You know when those things trigger a stream of memory long forgotten and somehow it manages to break through the dam you foolishly built, thinking that it would be enough, but apparently it doesn't so the stream of memory continues to flow and fill your mind until it finally found its way out through your eyes, sliding down your cheek, but even in the midst of chaos inside, you are still grateful to witness something beautiful, because for a moment there, through the teary eyes, just before the tears roll down.. there is this blur galore that creates this ocean of dreamy bokeh that  surrounds you, and for a second there you thought maybe things are not as bad as it seems.. maybe one way or another you will find your way again through the confusing maze of life, but then the tears fall down, and everything was clear again.. turns out the dreamy bokeh are nothing more than street lights along the highway.. and the memory in your head is just.. a memory, and you have classes that day, and it is still hot outside even though it is beginning of November already, and there's people you miss and things you regret, and your finals are coming exactly next month, and you wonder if the people you sometimes wander about are wondering about you, and you'll reach 20 in a little over a month, and you secretly wish the things you've lost could find it's way back one way or another, and then you hear the rain is pouring outside.. but you are perfectly snuggly and tucked in and typing this post and then you look over and think.. maybe it's not that bad, maybe if you look hard enough.. just maybe.. you can find bits and pieces of happiness left scattered inside, which is not a lot but hopefully would be just enough to keep you going until you've reached whenever you're suppose to be, until you meet the people you've missed, until the memory becomes reality once again, and until the dreamy bokeh doesn't turn out to be street lights along the highway even when your vision are perfectly clear.